Love Letter for Rochester, New York

My mom is a writer,

She writes poetry and love letters.

I was very touched when she told me that she recently wrote a love letter to her dear community of artist friends. It was a goodbye letter, letting them all know how much she has appreciated them and will remember them as she moves onto the next phase of her life, on the other side of the country. 

Tonight, through my mom’s inspiration, I write a love letter of my own, to a community of people that I cherish so deeply in my heart.

Dear Rochester and Rochesterians,

My leaving, over two years ago now, seemed sudden, and yet a long time coming. I didn’t get to say goodbye to many of you and for this, I am sad.

For those of you that know me well, I fought living in Rochester since the day I moved there. I was always looking for a way to leave, it seemed. And yet, day after day, month after month, year after year(16 years), I continued to meet people who inspired me, loved me, taught me, healed me, guided me, befriended me, sang with me, danced with me, played music with me, read poetry with me, walked with me…you name it. When I think of the MANY people I connected with in Rochester---my friends, lovers, teachers, and students---my heart swells in gratitude, appreciation and love for you, for your dearness, and the amazing quality of life I experienced through knowing you. There are so many people I was touched by and became close with, so many brilliant artists and healers, people who generously gave of themselves selflessly. Roch is an amazing place, in a kaleidoscope full of ways. Rochester was for me, a safe haven, a place I felt comfortable and supported enough in to be able to do the healing work I needed to do and it was a place to share insights and compare notes with so many like-minded people. I can’t say I regret leaving Rochester, because I know I had to go, but I certainly do miss the people, my friends that I came to know over many years, who I shared all sorts of experiences with. I am so deeply grateful for your friendship and presence, and thank my lucky stars that I got to be part of such a rich community, full of wonderful souls.

in Love and Gratitude,

Meg

And I Was Soil

The shovel came searing into my middle,
the human was taking a part of me and
tossing me to the other side of myself.
The big gloved hand came down inside my crevice
and inserted a seed,
I felt its' fullness as it nestled itself into my pores.
With the shovel, the human took some of me,
and filled up my seeded basin,
patting me firmly,
nestling the seed further into my separate, but connected particles.
Then the water came, I felt it seeping through my spaces.
like little rivers and streams...tendrils
infusing, diffusing throughout my morsels of undiluted skin and viscera.
I held the seed for many days, with all of my earthy self,
and with each passing day I felt
the wiggling , the creation making,
muscling its way, to and fro...the growing pains of my seed companion.
As time passed, the morsel of seed grew arms
and outstretched amidst my tissue, creating tunnels
to take themselves to the light that sometimes baked me.
Then one day, a very auspicious day,
early in the morning, as I recall,
I felt the seed pushing
its way up and out of me.
Almost immediately, I could see---
beyond myself, into the light,
into the world that lived above me.
I swelled with love and gratitude.
We were insperable partners, the seed and I.
No one could tell us apart, not I, not the seed, not the worms
that slithered in and around us, not even the humans
who gazed upon us and nurtured us.

Yoga Toes-Piano Fingers

Most people who read this blog already know that I am a classically trained pianist, and a lover of yoga. Frequently, after attending or teaching a yoga class, I have realizations about how I can apply the principles of yoga to my own teaching and playing of the piano. Just yesterday I had one such "aha" moment which I would like to share with you today.

But first, a brief layout of some yoga principles...

In Anusara yoga, teachers talk a lot about the principles of alignment.

Below is an excerpt from an article written by Anusara teacher, Esther Ekhart(with little blurbs of my own added in!)

"We apply principles to achieve balance between the front and the back of the body, the inner and outer body, right and left side, contraction and expansion, mind and heart. (when we are playing or singing, don't we naturally do this, or work towards this?)

Also described are dual actions, which means that every single action must be balanced by an opposing, counter or “dual” action. If one action or instruction overpowers another we create an imbalance and put the body at the weakest part at risk. When we give an instruction that only works in one direction the body will get knocked of centre. (For musicians---Overuse syndrome, carpal tunnel, tendonitis, backpain, etc.)

Yoga is about finding our centre, when you find the centre in your body, your mind will follow along. So we have to observe that the results of our actions are balancing.

The result should always be that we create length and space in the body, but to achieve that in a safe and supported way we have to use muscle energy and core stability to protect the joints. (we do this at our instruments, yes?)

Ok, so what are we talking about here, what principles can we apply in every pose to make sure we’re balanced and supported enough to enjoy moving in a pose to the deepest level available to us. (allow the deepest level of music making to emerge)

The goal is to find the middle between extremes, once we do we can perform the postures with ease and joy." (We can perform our music with joy and ease!)

So, I was in an Anusara yoga class yesterday morning, with a teacher who had just been in an immersion workshop with Anusara's founder, John Friend. My teacher was inspired and ready to share many new insights with our class. I was certainly appreciative of all that she shared yesterday, but one insight in particular really caught my attention, not only for how it informed and strengthened my yoga poses, but also for how much it reminded me of a certain aspect of piano playing.

To put it simply, in yoga, the feet are essential...the way they connect with the earth is the fundamental basis of a pose. We feel how each toe connects with the ground, and then we put our attention on how the toes connect with the various places on the foot, and then how the foot bones, muscles, and tendons connect with the ankle, inside and outside of leg, hips, etc. It requires toes that are active and spread, and in full connection with the earth to enliven the many standing poses. We engage the four corners of the feet with the earth, and then we bring this energy upward through the legs, for strength and balance. We work to spread the toes far apart, so that each toe has its' own independence, and this also creates something like a web, so that our legs have a broader base to stand on.

(For piano, I think of the fingers on the keys, like I do the toes on the ground in yoga. Think about it, except for the foot being on the pedal, the tips of the fingers are the only parts of the body literally touching that huge instrument. "Grounding" the fingers, or maybe even better said, giving the fingers optimal connection with the keys, is fundamental to playing.)

Yesterday, in class, while we were standing up, my teacher said, "imagine that you are plugging your pinky toe back into your foot...or, visualize drawing your pinky toe towards you along the floor." Once I did that, I felt a connection from my toes up through my feet, on up through the legs, which actually reverberated all the way up through my torso and beyond. I felt a grounding and strength in my legs I hadn't felt before. Try it for a moment, and see how it actually helps to engage your calves more and makes your legs feel stronger. Many times in yoga class we are asked to "imagine" movements without actually doing them, as in this particular case with the toes. It works to just visualize it because we are bringing awareness to the area. I started to wonder, if at the piano, we visualized plugging the fingers into the hand, would we feel more strength, power, and choice in our playing? When I say choice, I mean, will we have the ability or more control to choose what kinds of sounds our fingers create? Many times, because of various reasons, it is difficult for pianists to have control over the sounds they make. In teaching the piano, I see this all the time. I am always looking for ways to help students engage the fingers more...in essence, to help them create a palette of sound with their fingers. I frequently see students' fingers collapse or fall out of alignment with the rest of the hand, which not only produces uneven sounds, but also tends to create pains in the hands and arms.

I decided to experiment using this concept of "plugging" the fingers back into the hand in a few lessons yesterday. I worked first, with a student who has been needing a technique for helping her engage the fingers more. Her joints tend to collapse, and a lot of time, she doesn't have the control she would like to play fast passages, etc. First, we put the lid of the piano keyboard down, and I had her place her hands on top of it in a curved hand position, like she would be on the keys. I asked her to close her eyes, and then starting on the 5th finger, I had her visualize plugging each finger into the hand. With each finger, I helped her feel the plugging, by tracing the line of energy with my fingers through her hand, then up through the arm, and all the way back through the shoulder. I continued to ask her if she was feeling the connection between all of these places, and if she could feel subtle firing of the muscles going all the way up to the shoulder. She said she could feel this line. Then I had her do the exercise again, this time, feeling two directions of engagement, one being the plugging in of the fingers, and the other being the fingertips pushing into the lid. You see, this is an example of the dual action Anusara yoga refers to, the fingers are both pushing and pulling at the same time(more imagining this than actually doing it). I could see that a certain strength and elongation was happening in her fingers, hands, and arms. After we completed both hands, I had her open her eyes and play, very slowly, 5 finger patterns, one hand at a time, on the keyboard. I observed that her fingers were stronger, and were in alignment with the rest of her arm, and the tone was so much more full and expressive. Her elbows naturally followed the movement of the fingers, which freed up the entire arm. Her posture was even better, I think, because of the type of awareness she was bringing to her body.

Now, as most of you pianists out there know, this is not new information. We have all been instructed in one way or the other to feel the connection from our fingers all the way to the shoulder blades, and to have our fingers aligned with the arms, etc. I have read countless books that describe techniques for freeing the sound by using various techniques similar to those used in yoga. An example of this would be, Gyorgy Sandor's book, ON PIANO PLAYING, where he goes into detail about how the alignment of each individual finger is necessary for beautiful tone. He uses words like "pronation" and "supination" to refer to how the arm is turning in and out, etc. This technique worked for me, for a while, when I had a student of Sandor teaching me the technique in lessons...he was touching my arms and fingers while I played to help facilitate my own awareness of these movements. It is very personal how we each go about finding the alignment, ease, and joy at our instruments. Some people can more easily find the physical alignment by hearing the sound first, and then the physical body does what it needs to do to create that sound. Others, who are more kinesthetic may like starting from the physical instruction first, and then seeing how the sound is created from there. Some people may benefit from a combination of styles. In any case, whichever techniques we do decide to use for ourselves and our students, I think the fundamental thread that runs through it all, is awareness. Whatever we can do to bring ourselves into a place of open, receptive, listening, with the body/mind/soul, will help us to connect with that which is our musical expression.

Enjoy,

I hope some of this was helpful!

Meg

Older Posts

For those of you that just started reading this blog, I want to let you know that there are more of my blogs dating back to December 2009, on another blog site. If you would like to see those, please go to www.megruby.com/blog, and you can look up many more entries. Thanks!

Meg

A Spotlight on Classical Music Training

Here is just a little piece of what I feel was missing from my classical music training...

I don't remember my teachers ever talking to me about THEIR process of learning music, how they practice, and prepare for performances...what kinds of joys and struggles they encountered in studying music. I know some of my peers in music just knew how to practice, and how to work through their issues naturally, but not every student knows these things. I believe that part of a teachers responsibility, at any level of teaching, whether youth or college level, should be to share, as in depth as possible, good practice techniques with students, and as importantly, initiate dialogue about the ins and outs of being a musician and performer---what this means both personally and professionally, and share their OWN stories, not just hypothetical ones. And then, encourage the student to share their experiences of this process, on an ongoing basis.

I always saw my teachers as more than human. I assumed they bypassed all of the struggles and work I was engaged with. Therefore, I didn't think they would understand what I was going through, and so I never initiated dialogue about my personal relationship with music. My lessons were filled mostly with discussions about the notes, and interpretation. I remember one teacher gave me a piece of paper, when I was about 15 years old, and it had the word discipline on it, with its' definition. And then she went on to say that all the talent in the world means nothing without discipline behind it. Now, this is all well and good, and makes sense...but at the time, I had no idea what the translation of that was into the day to day scenario of practicing. I don't think she knew this. She probably just assumed I was lazy.

Now that I am a teacher, I notice the most difficult part of teaching the music is facilitating the students interest in practicing at home, on their own. It is not so different for yoga, or any other discipline for that matter. It is always easier to work in a group or with a teacher than on your own. So, I have started to talk to my students about my own process, and share with them, that yes, indeed, it can be the most difficult part of learning music, to sit down, by oneself, and listen, and alter, and repeat, and ask questions. And, I also let them know how many different ways we can sit down and play the instrument on our own, that it can fun, and challenging, and difficult, and frustrating, and completely fulfilling. I think it's important for them to know these things, because that is the reality of the nature of practice. I want to go back in time, and be a fly on the wall as my teachers practice on their own, and not only as they were adults, but also when they were just learning to play. It would be so fascinating!

After all, the PROCESS of learning the music is where we spend most of our time, not on the concert stage, so why not study the PROCESS more!

That's all for this edition,

Until then,

XO

Meg

Music---Incomprehensible Comprehension

In connecting with that which I cannot comprehend the past few weeks, I notice that music is EXTRA SPECIALLY made up of just this---incomprehensible comprehension!

I have been practicing a lot of piano these days, and have discovered that I am more fascinated by the music, and the act of making it, than I have ever been. I now really GET the magic that happens. The process of learning a piece of music is a miniature journey in it of itself, and requires much patience, trust, perseverance, love, and dedication. It requires an open ear, a settled mind, a flexible body, creativity and multiple perspectives. It demands that the musician be completely in the present moment. Music asks us to be our most authentic selves, whether we are playing repertoire already written by someone else, or composing our own music. The music asks us to bring it to life and give it groove. It asks that we give ourselves up totally, yet at the same time, give all of ourselves to it...How is this possible?

In a sense, making music really just mimics the way we live our lives. We learn to take a step, we learn to ride a bike, we learn to love...and in this process, we learn to listen, and to hear the beauty of our melodies. We work on the inner complexities(the phrasing) of ourselves and our relationships. We then put it altogether, and finally---let go, and trust that we know ourselves, and are taken care of. Then, hopefully, we see the beautiful, complete piece of music we are.

Until we meet again,

XO

Meg

Recent Developments

For those of you that have been reading my blog, you will notice that the address and format has changed. The initial blog site has been hacked into, so I needed to change hosts. The address of this new blog is http://groovieruby.blogspot.com and if you would like to subscribe to it, you can...so that it is automatically sent to you. My website, www.megruby.com will eventually connect to this new address as well...it may take a few days. Thanks for your patience.

You know,

last night I wrote a really long blog,

it took me hours.

It told the history of my relationship with the piano.

Last night I couldn't publish it though. It didn't seem right, for some reason.

I think I am done rehashing the past...I'm just not sure that it serves me right now, and I don't know how much it would interest you.

What does that leave me with to share with you? Good question.

I can tell you what has been coming up for me as of late...

1. I have been experiencing a profound connection to that which I cannot see, hear, touch, understand, or feel.

2. I have been questioning what it means to love something, anything really, but especially for me, my love of and for the piano.

3.I have been working with trust, and letting go of that which I cannot control.

4. I have been noticing tremendous tendencies to worry and also to project that onto others.

5. I have been accepting others more for who they are, rather than who I would like them to be.

6. And basically, I have just been noticing, for the sake of noticing.

7. Joy, sadness and pain arise spontaneously, and I appreciate that I can feel it.

8. I am noticing that the body needs constant attention and care, just like the homes we live in, and the children and other living things we care for. Any neglect shows up in some form or another. Nurturing of the self, and nurturing of others is very gratifying.

9. I notice the tension that arises when I "try" to figure something out, or know an answer that cannot be known.

10. I suppose that doubting is a part of being human. It arises, just like everything else. It is familiar. No need to take it any further than that.

Enjoy,

Until we meet again,

XO

Meg